Back to the history of ”the lifestyle”.
In the fifties the journalists referred to it as “wife-swapping.” Today it’s named “swinging,” but regardless of its name this non-monogamous subculture seems to be growing in recognition among mainstream, middle-aged married couples in the US. The popular media are paying increasing interest to the fact, often putting a positive spin on the effects which the lifestyle has upon marriages. The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are structured swing clubs in almost all states as well as Switzerland, England, Germany, and Japan. These clubs are beneficial businesses which supply all levels of social activities for swingers including vacation plans, special retreat sites for swingers, and annual gatherings and seminars. Lifestyles, Inc., a swingers tour bureau, booked 700 couples at a resort in Jamaica in January of 1997.
What precisely is swinging? Unlike “open marriages” of the 1970’s which promoted non-possessive love and tolerance of unfaithfulness in their spouses, or “polyamory” - the love of several sex partners at once – swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated a lot like any other social activity, that can be practiced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or dedication to the love relationship with one’s marital partner, remains the ultimate focus. Wife swapping is usually done in the presence of one’s spouse and requires the consent of both to the experience. Though swingers often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are regulations restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. While swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, its followers claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally. By removing the privacy and dishonesty inherent in one’s natural wishes for sexual diversity, the pair can discover their fantasies mutually without deceit or shame. By removing the need for dishonesty from the marriage, a brand new height of trust and sincerity about all of one’s feelings is apparently achieved without the destructive baggage of suspicion.
Swinging as an alternative lifestyle is of both practical and academic interest because the challenge to merge sexual non-monogamy with emotional monogamy is fundamentally “deviant” from the western model of romantic love which assumes that sexual and emotional monogamy are reciprocally reinforcing and inseparable. It has yet to be demonstrated empirically whether this alternative lifestyle in fact strengthens or weakens marital relationships, but in an era where 37% of husbands and 29% of wives, sometimes so-called hotwives confess to having had at least one extra-marital affair, where divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 62%, and where family shakiness and parental neglect of kids has become a major national worry, any effort to redefine “love” and reinforce the marital bond is worthy of our attention. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, extend family ties, and enrich the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously.
It is concluded that swingers surveyed are the white, middle-class, middle-aged, church-going section of the residents reported in past studies, but when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the broad public. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the contentment of their marriages and life satisfaction commonly as higher than the non-swinging population.
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